So until today, I'd never learned to use a tampon. First of all, I hardly ever get a period (which makes Gabby's birth even more mysterious). When I was in high school, it started at three-month intervals. In college, it became semestral. When I started working, it turned into an annual event. Finally, when I started working where I work now, I had one period in my first month here. Only. It's all stress-related, so you can imagine what my working life has been like in the past four years.
Then, all of a sudden, in Bohol, THE DAY BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO START MY WEEK-LONG DIVE TRIP, I got my period. And since I was too freaked out to dive with my period for the first time, I didn't dare use a tampon. It was a horrible horrible experience. Aaargh. Blech.
Now, today, I got my period again. I'm like, wow, two months in a row. I discovered it in the bathroom, as Anjeli and I were about to leave for lunch.
ME: (in the bathroom stall) Anjeli! I got my period!
ANJELI: Yay?
ME: SOS! Can you please check to see if anyone has a pad or tampon?
(pause... she returns with both)
ME: OK, the pad is way too big for my underwear. I'll have to use the tampon, and I've never used one before.
And then the most touching moment between two female friends unfolds.
ME: Will you... help me?
ANJELI: Are you twelve?
So, anyway, I'm behind the stall door again and she's coaching me from the sink.
ME: Do I sit down or stand up?
ANJELI: Well, you could do either but it's better if you stand up.
ME: Will it fall out?
ANJELI: Just make sure that the string is still out, you idiot.
So. That was the high point of my day.
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Conversations with the Brain Dead
After a botched attempt at coming up with "Comeback Fantasies" as a sequel to my previous post (the only blog-worthy one was mine: looking at the crater where our building used to be), I've decided to faithfully transcribe stupid conversations that I've been a party to.
Umbad: Of course my life improved after I stopped sleeping with my teddy bear
***
Umbad: I hate pingpong. I can't stand balls being flung at my face.
***
Einosk: (joking about how the word "unagi" sets Umbad to laughing uncontrollably)
Umbad: Hey, if you keep making that joke, I’m really going to get de-sanitised about this whole thing
***
Then they start talking about Star Trek
Umbad: Personally, I’m really looking forward to the day when I can say, “Scottie beam me up..”
***
Umbad: It was a highly sophisticated joke, I'm just sorry that you don't get my sense of humor.
***
Umbad: Of course dogs are color-blind. It's not like they're going to be painters.
***
Einosk: Why are poverty statistics like 'half of humanity lives on 2 US dollars a day?'. Why don't they say 400,000 rupiah? Then it sounds like a lot......... I'm not sure if I got the conversion right.
***
Einosk: If the vet could treat him (office hamster) or perform surgery, we'd do it. But unfortunately, hamster science has not evolved to that stage.
***
Raymond: (For bulimics at the end of dinner) Let's just pay up, and throw up.
And that's intellectual exchange.
Umbad: Of course my life improved after I stopped sleeping with my teddy bear
***
Umbad: I hate pingpong. I can't stand balls being flung at my face.
***
Einosk: (joking about how the word "unagi" sets Umbad to laughing uncontrollably)
Umbad: Hey, if you keep making that joke, I’m really going to get de-sanitised about this whole thing
***
Then they start talking about Star Trek
Umbad: Personally, I’m really looking forward to the day when I can say, “Scottie beam me up..”
***
Umbad: It was a highly sophisticated joke, I'm just sorry that you don't get my sense of humor.
***
Umbad: Of course dogs are color-blind. It's not like they're going to be painters.
***
Einosk: Why are poverty statistics like 'half of humanity lives on 2 US dollars a day?'. Why don't they say 400,000 rupiah? Then it sounds like a lot......... I'm not sure if I got the conversion right.
***
Einosk: If the vet could treat him (office hamster) or perform surgery, we'd do it. But unfortunately, hamster science has not evolved to that stage.
***
Raymond: (For bulimics at the end of dinner) Let's just pay up, and throw up.
And that's intellectual exchange.
Quitting Fantasies
Me: Declaring to BF that I'm leaving and him not being able to change my mind.
Chocolatini: Being the ONLY one in charge of a major, politically important conference and quit a couple of days before the event.
Einosk: Going up to the Big Boss, handing him a pile of cash (a month's salary), and saying, "Here's your money. Go to hell."
Umbad: Just not showing up at the office one day.
Raymond: Leaving his resignation letter on the boss's desk the day he leaves for the summer and people only noticing a couple of months later (meanwhile, his salary keeps coming into his bank account).
Supernonsense: Getting into a fight and then getting called into BF's office. BF tells her, "you can't do that if you want to work here" and she's like "well i don't WANT to work here" (she then takes resignation letter out of cleavage and flings it at him)
Chocolatini: Being the ONLY one in charge of a major, politically important conference and quit a couple of days before the event.
Einosk: Going up to the Big Boss, handing him a pile of cash (a month's salary), and saying, "Here's your money. Go to hell."
Umbad: Just not showing up at the office one day.
Raymond: Leaving his resignation letter on the boss's desk the day he leaves for the summer and people only noticing a couple of months later (meanwhile, his salary keeps coming into his bank account).
Supernonsense: Getting into a fight and then getting called into BF's office. BF tells her, "you can't do that if you want to work here" and she's like "well i don't WANT to work here" (she then takes resignation letter out of cleavage and flings it at him)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Muse
OK, this post can't wait.
1. I went to the Muse concert last night. Matt Bellamy is so fucking talented. Voice and guitar aside, what impressed me the most was him on the keyboards. Technical proficiency and amazing energy.
2. I was in the crush of the crowd way up front. Couldn't smoke, couldn't drink. So I decided to leave for a while and get a drink. The girl at the counter was a sweetheart. I ordered a double whiskey coke and she gave me one without charging me extra. Needless to say, it packed a wallop. So I went up to the building in the back, sat on the steps and chilled out for a while. It was kinda fun, dancing and yelling all by myself.
3. The people I was with started appearing (apparently, I was on the way to where the bathrooms were). I belatedly realized that the concert was over. And I couldn't believe it. As we walked out, I baffled the security with my intellect and Vulcan logic:
Me: Is the concert really over?
Them: Yes.
Me: Is it over enough for me to get on the stage?
Them: (Puzzled, but programmed) Uh, yes.
I thereafter ran up to the stage and got one foot on before they scrambled over to stop me.
4. Went to Public House after, to meet up with Natalia and gang, Muse crowd in tow. Had one chocolatini. Cheated at pool and lost two games. But, hey, I couldn't shoot straight by then.
5. The Muse crowd leaves. I get these messages on my phone that Muse is at Loof, where they are. I'm like, no way. Aswhin's like, yes, for real. OK, whatever, Public House was almost closing by then anyway. So I arrive at Loof.
Now this is the point of my indignation and this whole post.
1. So the band was at the bar. I didn't want to be all groupie-like and made a point of not talking to Matt Bellamy. So I chit chatted with the other guy, who I THOUGHT was the drummer. This morning, to my utter mortification, I found out that he was just a random keyboardist. I sidled up to a ROADIE. Who, by the way, was perfectly nice and had no pretensions. For a ROADIE.
2. After that whole episode, I came back to our table and found myself talking to some OZ dude named Elias or Elliot. WHO TOLD ME THAT HE WAS A ROADIE FOR MUSE. He was all blah blah blah about where they're going to next and I was all "don't you secretly wish you were working for Radiohead?". I may have even introduced him to someone else (but it was probably this psycho groupie from Taiwan, so that doesn't really count). I just found out this morning that he's a fucking banker for BNP Paribas. Sonofabitch.
Not that I was impressed at all with his whole "I work with Muse" schtick
1. I went to the Muse concert last night. Matt Bellamy is so fucking talented. Voice and guitar aside, what impressed me the most was him on the keyboards. Technical proficiency and amazing energy.
2. I was in the crush of the crowd way up front. Couldn't smoke, couldn't drink. So I decided to leave for a while and get a drink. The girl at the counter was a sweetheart. I ordered a double whiskey coke and she gave me one without charging me extra. Needless to say, it packed a wallop. So I went up to the building in the back, sat on the steps and chilled out for a while. It was kinda fun, dancing and yelling all by myself.
3. The people I was with started appearing (apparently, I was on the way to where the bathrooms were). I belatedly realized that the concert was over. And I couldn't believe it. As we walked out, I baffled the security with my intellect and Vulcan logic:
Me: Is the concert really over?
Them: Yes.
Me: Is it over enough for me to get on the stage?
Them: (Puzzled, but programmed) Uh, yes.
I thereafter ran up to the stage and got one foot on before they scrambled over to stop me.
4. Went to Public House after, to meet up with Natalia and gang, Muse crowd in tow. Had one chocolatini. Cheated at pool and lost two games. But, hey, I couldn't shoot straight by then.
5. The Muse crowd leaves. I get these messages on my phone that Muse is at Loof, where they are. I'm like, no way. Aswhin's like, yes, for real. OK, whatever, Public House was almost closing by then anyway. So I arrive at Loof.
Now this is the point of my indignation and this whole post.
1. So the band was at the bar. I didn't want to be all groupie-like and made a point of not talking to Matt Bellamy. So I chit chatted with the other guy, who I THOUGHT was the drummer. This morning, to my utter mortification, I found out that he was just a random keyboardist. I sidled up to a ROADIE. Who, by the way, was perfectly nice and had no pretensions. For a ROADIE.
2. After that whole episode, I came back to our table and found myself talking to some OZ dude named Elias or Elliot. WHO TOLD ME THAT HE WAS A ROADIE FOR MUSE. He was all blah blah blah about where they're going to next and I was all "don't you secretly wish you were working for Radiohead?". I may have even introduced him to someone else (but it was probably this psycho groupie from Taiwan, so that doesn't really count). I just found out this morning that he's a fucking banker for BNP Paribas. Sonofabitch.
Not that I was impressed at all with his whole "I work with Muse" schtick
Friday, January 05, 2007
to junior on his 35th birthday
there is a long and unending string
that ties my heart to yours;
yank it, and i’ll falter.
you can leave it slack,
you can reel it in,
keep it in your pocket and carry it around.
not just one tie but many;
not binding but a bond;
not an always straight line;
theseus in the labyrinth—
you at its aperture, me at its center.
Manila. 5th January 2007.
that ties my heart to yours;
yank it, and i’ll falter.
you can leave it slack,
you can reel it in,
keep it in your pocket and carry it around.
not just one tie but many;
not binding but a bond;
not an always straight line;
theseus in the labyrinth—
you at its aperture, me at its center.
Manila. 5th January 2007.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Resolutions, Typically
In no particular order:
1. Write more
2. Love better
3. Be less evil
4. Smoke less and be healthier
5. Listen to more pinoy music and read the Philippine Daily Inquirer daily
6. Get shit together again, work-wise
7. Manage finances
8. Get involved in a performance art
9. Resume French lessons
10. Work toward grad school again
what was that about a leopard and its spots?
1. Write more
2. Love better
3. Be less evil
4. Smoke less and be healthier
5. Listen to more pinoy music and read the Philippine Daily Inquirer daily
6. Get shit together again, work-wise
7. Manage finances
8. Get involved in a performance art
9. Resume French lessons
10. Work toward grad school again
what was that about a leopard and its spots?
Friday, December 29, 2006
at night, flowers of corals bloom
At night, flowers of corals bloom orange and yellow--
branches of underwater cherry blossoms, heavy and ripe.
Soft sponges of tangerine and grape juice pad the walls
while their pulp carpets the low stair steps
that climb down deep from the sky.
Lionfish spread their gossamer tendrils
and take flight on their vermilion wings, mane aflame.
Thousands of eyes, more than their sisters in heaven,
shine light back and keep an unblinking watch over the evening.
Bright red fish with gashes of iridescent warpaint
that shout glances in insult throughout the day
sink like weary children into beds of anemones, at its end.
Feather stars languidly stretch their arms and curl back,
daintily skip home over oiled staghorns and antlers.
Spanish dancers that whirl their skirts in tempo
to the percussion fish beat on the reef,
slow down to bow and curtsy,
as the hush spreads over like a blanket.
At the heart of the sea
lies a little boy
who slumbers with his fists fast against his cheek
whose breath pulls the tide in
whose every sigh rushes it back to the shore
inexorably
again and again
until the dawn.
Bohol, 29 December 06
branches of underwater cherry blossoms, heavy and ripe.
Soft sponges of tangerine and grape juice pad the walls
while their pulp carpets the low stair steps
that climb down deep from the sky.
Lionfish spread their gossamer tendrils
and take flight on their vermilion wings, mane aflame.
Thousands of eyes, more than their sisters in heaven,
shine light back and keep an unblinking watch over the evening.
Bright red fish with gashes of iridescent warpaint
that shout glances in insult throughout the day
sink like weary children into beds of anemones, at its end.
Feather stars languidly stretch their arms and curl back,
daintily skip home over oiled staghorns and antlers.
Spanish dancers that whirl their skirts in tempo
to the percussion fish beat on the reef,
slow down to bow and curtsy,
as the hush spreads over like a blanket.
At the heart of the sea
lies a little boy
who slumbers with his fists fast against his cheek
whose breath pulls the tide in
whose every sigh rushes it back to the shore
inexorably
again and again
until the dawn.
Bohol, 29 December 06
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Meanwhile, Outside Manila
Tagaytay
"Should I stand outside the church and stand guard in case a group of assassins arrives?" Junior asked Daniel and Gay, just before the wedding started, referencing Kill Bill 2. The running joke was that church looked like it oughta be in the middle of tumbleweeds, dusty wind and Mexico. Eric, the best man and who'd never been to Asia (much less the Philippines) before, didn't get the joke and asked me ten minutes later: "Uhhh, does this kind of thing happen a lot here?"
Ah well. Welcome to the Philippines. Where all sorts of unimaginable things are plausible.
Anyway. The wedding and our stay in Tagaytay was somekindofwonderful.
Sonya's Garden was simply amazing. This place is tucked away in Tagaytay, run by a former civil servant who found her calling in creating this space. It is a flower garden, with a bed-and-breakfast, a bakery, small store, arboretum and spa. Flora you'd never seen before, with the prettiest large and small butterflies flittting through it.
Images courtesy of clutteredthoughts
I couldn't get the geography in my head right, but it is full of winding trails with hammocks, day beds and little nooks at random corners. The cool winds above Manila run through bamboo, metal and glass chimes scattered throughout the property. Each cottage and room is an eclectic but lovely mix of wood, colored/stained glass and fabric; with Filipino-Spanish architectural and interior design influences drawing furniture and artifacts from all over the region. The showers are in airy rooms with white cotton curtains and over a pebble and loam ground that soaks the run-off into itself. The food is hearty and the salads are crafted from home grown plants and spices.
Bohol
Currently in Bohol. The hotel has wireless access for free in the lobby, wouldn't ya know. Three sets of honeymooners and a baby. No thoughts, just diving. Hoping to reach the stage where I just close my eyes, or dream, and I'm still plumbing the depths of the deep blue. I miss diving in Tioman, where I knew the lay of the land (or in this case, the sea) pretty well and where my best memories of diving remain. Sitting on the deck of Roger's Wreck with Junior, watching schools of fish wend their way over and above us. The night we tried to establish first contact with a couple of octopi (I was still under the magical influence of the book, Secrets of the Underwater World). The manta ray that swam with us until we finally ran out of air.
Things of note we've seen so far over the past couple of days (unfortunately, am not diving with a camera so will just steal shots from others to approximate).
Black frog fish. Almost didn't see it. It was as black as a singularity. I could only tell that it was alive when it opened its maw and shone its tiny, brilliant white pebble-like teeth.
Dragon fish. Seeing them made me want to draw dragons again, like I did the summer before highschool.
School of barracuda. Hundreds upon hundreds passed within three or four feet of us. I tried to ask them for directions to Sydney but was ignored.
"Should I stand outside the church and stand guard in case a group of assassins arrives?" Junior asked Daniel and Gay, just before the wedding started, referencing Kill Bill 2. The running joke was that church looked like it oughta be in the middle of tumbleweeds, dusty wind and Mexico. Eric, the best man and who'd never been to Asia (much less the Philippines) before, didn't get the joke and asked me ten minutes later: "Uhhh, does this kind of thing happen a lot here?"
Ah well. Welcome to the Philippines. Where all sorts of unimaginable things are plausible.
Anyway. The wedding and our stay in Tagaytay was somekindofwonderful.
Sonya's Garden was simply amazing. This place is tucked away in Tagaytay, run by a former civil servant who found her calling in creating this space. It is a flower garden, with a bed-and-breakfast, a bakery, small store, arboretum and spa. Flora you'd never seen before, with the prettiest large and small butterflies flittting through it.
Images courtesy of clutteredthoughts
I couldn't get the geography in my head right, but it is full of winding trails with hammocks, day beds and little nooks at random corners. The cool winds above Manila run through bamboo, metal and glass chimes scattered throughout the property. Each cottage and room is an eclectic but lovely mix of wood, colored/stained glass and fabric; with Filipino-Spanish architectural and interior design influences drawing furniture and artifacts from all over the region. The showers are in airy rooms with white cotton curtains and over a pebble and loam ground that soaks the run-off into itself. The food is hearty and the salads are crafted from home grown plants and spices.
Bohol
Currently in Bohol. The hotel has wireless access for free in the lobby, wouldn't ya know. Three sets of honeymooners and a baby. No thoughts, just diving. Hoping to reach the stage where I just close my eyes, or dream, and I'm still plumbing the depths of the deep blue. I miss diving in Tioman, where I knew the lay of the land (or in this case, the sea) pretty well and where my best memories of diving remain. Sitting on the deck of Roger's Wreck with Junior, watching schools of fish wend their way over and above us. The night we tried to establish first contact with a couple of octopi (I was still under the magical influence of the book, Secrets of the Underwater World). The manta ray that swam with us until we finally ran out of air.
Things of note we've seen so far over the past couple of days (unfortunately, am not diving with a camera so will just steal shots from others to approximate).
Black frog fish. Almost didn't see it. It was as black as a singularity. I could only tell that it was alive when it opened its maw and shone its tiny, brilliant white pebble-like teeth.
Dragon fish. Seeing them made me want to draw dragons again, like I did the summer before highschool.
School of barracuda. Hundreds upon hundreds passed within three or four feet of us. I tried to ask them for directions to Sydney but was ignored.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Have TV, Will Travel
Makati
The trip to the Philippines so far has been about lounging at the Shang, taking care of Gabby, stealing time+space for cigarettes, and getting ready for my sister Gay's wedding. And killing my brain with iPod+TV.
Be warned, here there be spoiler alerts.
1. Who guest stars in "Veronica Mars" Season 3? A bunch of familiar faces. Ed Begeley, the guy who plays Maxwell Sheffield on "The Nanny". But the only comparable cameo to Joss Whedon in Season 2 was Laura San Giacomo, picking it up with Enrico Colantoni where "Just Shoot Me" left off. Oh, and the word "frack" makes an appearance in episodes 2 and 3.
2. Where does BSG leave us mid-season? "Unfinished Business" was excellently scripted and shot, but the morning after? Lee and Kara frack it up again. No big surprise there.
3. I've discovered that the Cartoon Network in Manila is way cooler than the kiddified, sanitized version we get in Singapore. Adult Swim rules! So far, I've caught Aqua Team Hunger Force and Sealab 2021. Hee-larious.
4. Bones! Brennan's finally re-united with her family, only to be left behind again. And her father is one scary SOB. But he loves her. So that works.
5. As for Voyager: Seven of Nine finally makes an appearance! But, more importantly, Season 3's cliffhanger with Species 8472 is concluded and Kes finally kicks ass! But why lose Kes, I wonder? If they wanted to bump off a cast member to accommodate the Borg chick, why not get rid of Neelix? He annoys people--and who wants to be reminded that Kes actually had sex with that guy? Shudder.
Related to my sudden acquisition of Voyager seasons 1 through 7 is a little trip to Greenhills. After scouring what used to be the marketplace for pirated DVDs for a couple of hours, Jr and I (with Gabby in tow) gave up, dejected. Well, I was dejected. Due to recent raids on the swashbuckling Freedom of Information Fighters, nobody would help me find them. Irony of ironies, 15 seconds after we started waiting for our ride to pick us up, a shady character sidled up to Jr and asked him if he was interested in porn. I asked him if he had Star Trek Voyager instead. We were led away from the clean, well-lighted place to sordid alleys colored in urine and littered with construction-site rubble. We were led through narrow paths past unmarked doorways, into a room with a whole passel of dubious characters, purveying gems like 6 Feet Under, Queer as Folk, Deep Space Nine and so on. For better or worse, we only had enough cash for Voyager. The others will just have to wait.
I realize my brain is dribbling out of my ears
The trip to the Philippines so far has been about lounging at the Shang, taking care of Gabby, stealing time+space for cigarettes, and getting ready for my sister Gay's wedding. And killing my brain with iPod+TV.
Be warned, here there be spoiler alerts.
1. Who guest stars in "Veronica Mars" Season 3? A bunch of familiar faces. Ed Begeley, the guy who plays Maxwell Sheffield on "The Nanny". But the only comparable cameo to Joss Whedon in Season 2 was Laura San Giacomo, picking it up with Enrico Colantoni where "Just Shoot Me" left off. Oh, and the word "frack" makes an appearance in episodes 2 and 3.
2. Where does BSG leave us mid-season? "Unfinished Business" was excellently scripted and shot, but the morning after? Lee and Kara frack it up again. No big surprise there.
3. I've discovered that the Cartoon Network in Manila is way cooler than the kiddified, sanitized version we get in Singapore. Adult Swim rules! So far, I've caught Aqua Team Hunger Force and Sealab 2021. Hee-larious.
4. Bones! Brennan's finally re-united with her family, only to be left behind again. And her father is one scary SOB. But he loves her. So that works.
5. As for Voyager: Seven of Nine finally makes an appearance! But, more importantly, Season 3's cliffhanger with Species 8472 is concluded and Kes finally kicks ass! But why lose Kes, I wonder? If they wanted to bump off a cast member to accommodate the Borg chick, why not get rid of Neelix? He annoys people--and who wants to be reminded that Kes actually had sex with that guy? Shudder.
Related to my sudden acquisition of Voyager seasons 1 through 7 is a little trip to Greenhills. After scouring what used to be the marketplace for pirated DVDs for a couple of hours, Jr and I (with Gabby in tow) gave up, dejected. Well, I was dejected. Due to recent raids on the swashbuckling Freedom of Information Fighters, nobody would help me find them. Irony of ironies, 15 seconds after we started waiting for our ride to pick us up, a shady character sidled up to Jr and asked him if he was interested in porn. I asked him if he had Star Trek Voyager instead. We were led away from the clean, well-lighted place to sordid alleys colored in urine and littered with construction-site rubble. We were led through narrow paths past unmarked doorways, into a room with a whole passel of dubious characters, purveying gems like 6 Feet Under, Queer as Folk, Deep Space Nine and so on. For better or worse, we only had enough cash for Voyager. The others will just have to wait.
I realize my brain is dribbling out of my ears
Thursday, December 07, 2006
the most recent end of romance in this world
Good idea: seranaded in bed by my husband
Bad idea: he sang "Sit on My Face" by Monty Python
"Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too
I love to hear you ORALIZE
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and THEN I'LL LOVE YOU TRULY
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine
IF WE sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play
'Till we're blown away"
Need I say more?
Bad idea: he sang "Sit on My Face" by Monty Python
"Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too
I love to hear you ORALIZE
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and THEN I'LL LOVE YOU TRULY
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine
IF WE sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play
'Till we're blown away"
Need I say more?