So until today, I'd never learned to use a tampon. First of all, I hardly ever get a period (which makes Gabby's birth even more mysterious). When I was in high school, it started at three-month intervals. In college, it became semestral. When I started working, it turned into an annual event. Finally, when I started working where I work now, I had one period in my first month here. Only. It's all stress-related, so you can imagine what my working life has been like in the past four years.
Then, all of a sudden, in Bohol, THE DAY BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO START MY WEEK-LONG DIVE TRIP, I got my period. And since I was too freaked out to dive with my period for the first time, I didn't dare use a tampon. It was a horrible horrible experience. Aaargh. Blech.
Now, today, I got my period again. I'm like, wow, two months in a row. I discovered it in the bathroom, as Anjeli and I were about to leave for lunch.
ME: (in the bathroom stall) Anjeli! I got my period!
ANJELI: Yay?
ME: SOS! Can you please check to see if anyone has a pad or tampon?
(pause... she returns with both)
ME: OK, the pad is way too big for my underwear. I'll have to use the tampon, and I've never used one before.
And then the most touching moment between two female friends unfolds.
ME: Will you... help me?
ANJELI: Are you twelve?
So, anyway, I'm behind the stall door again and she's coaching me from the sink.
ME: Do I sit down or stand up?
ANJELI: Well, you could do either but it's better if you stand up.
ME: Will it fall out?
ANJELI: Just make sure that the string is still out, you idiot.
So. That was the high point of my day.
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Conversations with the Brain Dead
After a botched attempt at coming up with "Comeback Fantasies" as a sequel to my previous post (the only blog-worthy one was mine: looking at the crater where our building used to be), I've decided to faithfully transcribe stupid conversations that I've been a party to.
Umbad: Of course my life improved after I stopped sleeping with my teddy bear
***
Umbad: I hate pingpong. I can't stand balls being flung at my face.
***
Einosk: (joking about how the word "unagi" sets Umbad to laughing uncontrollably)
Umbad: Hey, if you keep making that joke, I’m really going to get de-sanitised about this whole thing
***
Then they start talking about Star Trek
Umbad: Personally, I’m really looking forward to the day when I can say, “Scottie beam me up..”
***
Umbad: It was a highly sophisticated joke, I'm just sorry that you don't get my sense of humor.
***
Umbad: Of course dogs are color-blind. It's not like they're going to be painters.
***
Einosk: Why are poverty statistics like 'half of humanity lives on 2 US dollars a day?'. Why don't they say 400,000 rupiah? Then it sounds like a lot......... I'm not sure if I got the conversion right.
***
Einosk: If the vet could treat him (office hamster) or perform surgery, we'd do it. But unfortunately, hamster science has not evolved to that stage.
***
Raymond: (For bulimics at the end of dinner) Let's just pay up, and throw up.
And that's intellectual exchange.
Umbad: Of course my life improved after I stopped sleeping with my teddy bear
***
Umbad: I hate pingpong. I can't stand balls being flung at my face.
***
Einosk: (joking about how the word "unagi" sets Umbad to laughing uncontrollably)
Umbad: Hey, if you keep making that joke, I’m really going to get de-sanitised about this whole thing
***
Then they start talking about Star Trek
Umbad: Personally, I’m really looking forward to the day when I can say, “Scottie beam me up..”
***
Umbad: It was a highly sophisticated joke, I'm just sorry that you don't get my sense of humor.
***
Umbad: Of course dogs are color-blind. It's not like they're going to be painters.
***
Einosk: Why are poverty statistics like 'half of humanity lives on 2 US dollars a day?'. Why don't they say 400,000 rupiah? Then it sounds like a lot......... I'm not sure if I got the conversion right.
***
Einosk: If the vet could treat him (office hamster) or perform surgery, we'd do it. But unfortunately, hamster science has not evolved to that stage.
***
Raymond: (For bulimics at the end of dinner) Let's just pay up, and throw up.
And that's intellectual exchange.
Quitting Fantasies
Me: Declaring to BF that I'm leaving and him not being able to change my mind.
Chocolatini: Being the ONLY one in charge of a major, politically important conference and quit a couple of days before the event.
Einosk: Going up to the Big Boss, handing him a pile of cash (a month's salary), and saying, "Here's your money. Go to hell."
Umbad: Just not showing up at the office one day.
Raymond: Leaving his resignation letter on the boss's desk the day he leaves for the summer and people only noticing a couple of months later (meanwhile, his salary keeps coming into his bank account).
Supernonsense: Getting into a fight and then getting called into BF's office. BF tells her, "you can't do that if you want to work here" and she's like "well i don't WANT to work here" (she then takes resignation letter out of cleavage and flings it at him)
Chocolatini: Being the ONLY one in charge of a major, politically important conference and quit a couple of days before the event.
Einosk: Going up to the Big Boss, handing him a pile of cash (a month's salary), and saying, "Here's your money. Go to hell."
Umbad: Just not showing up at the office one day.
Raymond: Leaving his resignation letter on the boss's desk the day he leaves for the summer and people only noticing a couple of months later (meanwhile, his salary keeps coming into his bank account).
Supernonsense: Getting into a fight and then getting called into BF's office. BF tells her, "you can't do that if you want to work here" and she's like "well i don't WANT to work here" (she then takes resignation letter out of cleavage and flings it at him)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Muse
OK, this post can't wait.
1. I went to the Muse concert last night. Matt Bellamy is so fucking talented. Voice and guitar aside, what impressed me the most was him on the keyboards. Technical proficiency and amazing energy.
2. I was in the crush of the crowd way up front. Couldn't smoke, couldn't drink. So I decided to leave for a while and get a drink. The girl at the counter was a sweetheart. I ordered a double whiskey coke and she gave me one without charging me extra. Needless to say, it packed a wallop. So I went up to the building in the back, sat on the steps and chilled out for a while. It was kinda fun, dancing and yelling all by myself.
3. The people I was with started appearing (apparently, I was on the way to where the bathrooms were). I belatedly realized that the concert was over. And I couldn't believe it. As we walked out, I baffled the security with my intellect and Vulcan logic:
Me: Is the concert really over?
Them: Yes.
Me: Is it over enough for me to get on the stage?
Them: (Puzzled, but programmed) Uh, yes.
I thereafter ran up to the stage and got one foot on before they scrambled over to stop me.
4. Went to Public House after, to meet up with Natalia and gang, Muse crowd in tow. Had one chocolatini. Cheated at pool and lost two games. But, hey, I couldn't shoot straight by then.
5. The Muse crowd leaves. I get these messages on my phone that Muse is at Loof, where they are. I'm like, no way. Aswhin's like, yes, for real. OK, whatever, Public House was almost closing by then anyway. So I arrive at Loof.
Now this is the point of my indignation and this whole post.
1. So the band was at the bar. I didn't want to be all groupie-like and made a point of not talking to Matt Bellamy. So I chit chatted with the other guy, who I THOUGHT was the drummer. This morning, to my utter mortification, I found out that he was just a random keyboardist. I sidled up to a ROADIE. Who, by the way, was perfectly nice and had no pretensions. For a ROADIE.
2. After that whole episode, I came back to our table and found myself talking to some OZ dude named Elias or Elliot. WHO TOLD ME THAT HE WAS A ROADIE FOR MUSE. He was all blah blah blah about where they're going to next and I was all "don't you secretly wish you were working for Radiohead?". I may have even introduced him to someone else (but it was probably this psycho groupie from Taiwan, so that doesn't really count). I just found out this morning that he's a fucking banker for BNP Paribas. Sonofabitch.
Not that I was impressed at all with his whole "I work with Muse" schtick
1. I went to the Muse concert last night. Matt Bellamy is so fucking talented. Voice and guitar aside, what impressed me the most was him on the keyboards. Technical proficiency and amazing energy.
2. I was in the crush of the crowd way up front. Couldn't smoke, couldn't drink. So I decided to leave for a while and get a drink. The girl at the counter was a sweetheart. I ordered a double whiskey coke and she gave me one without charging me extra. Needless to say, it packed a wallop. So I went up to the building in the back, sat on the steps and chilled out for a while. It was kinda fun, dancing and yelling all by myself.
3. The people I was with started appearing (apparently, I was on the way to where the bathrooms were). I belatedly realized that the concert was over. And I couldn't believe it. As we walked out, I baffled the security with my intellect and Vulcan logic:
Me: Is the concert really over?
Them: Yes.
Me: Is it over enough for me to get on the stage?
Them: (Puzzled, but programmed) Uh, yes.
I thereafter ran up to the stage and got one foot on before they scrambled over to stop me.
4. Went to Public House after, to meet up with Natalia and gang, Muse crowd in tow. Had one chocolatini. Cheated at pool and lost two games. But, hey, I couldn't shoot straight by then.
5. The Muse crowd leaves. I get these messages on my phone that Muse is at Loof, where they are. I'm like, no way. Aswhin's like, yes, for real. OK, whatever, Public House was almost closing by then anyway. So I arrive at Loof.
Now this is the point of my indignation and this whole post.
1. So the band was at the bar. I didn't want to be all groupie-like and made a point of not talking to Matt Bellamy. So I chit chatted with the other guy, who I THOUGHT was the drummer. This morning, to my utter mortification, I found out that he was just a random keyboardist. I sidled up to a ROADIE. Who, by the way, was perfectly nice and had no pretensions. For a ROADIE.
2. After that whole episode, I came back to our table and found myself talking to some OZ dude named Elias or Elliot. WHO TOLD ME THAT HE WAS A ROADIE FOR MUSE. He was all blah blah blah about where they're going to next and I was all "don't you secretly wish you were working for Radiohead?". I may have even introduced him to someone else (but it was probably this psycho groupie from Taiwan, so that doesn't really count). I just found out this morning that he's a fucking banker for BNP Paribas. Sonofabitch.
Not that I was impressed at all with his whole "I work with Muse" schtick
Friday, January 05, 2007
to junior on his 35th birthday
there is a long and unending string
that ties my heart to yours;
yank it, and i’ll falter.
you can leave it slack,
you can reel it in,
keep it in your pocket and carry it around.
not just one tie but many;
not binding but a bond;
not an always straight line;
theseus in the labyrinth—
you at its aperture, me at its center.
Manila. 5th January 2007.
that ties my heart to yours;
yank it, and i’ll falter.
you can leave it slack,
you can reel it in,
keep it in your pocket and carry it around.
not just one tie but many;
not binding but a bond;
not an always straight line;
theseus in the labyrinth—
you at its aperture, me at its center.
Manila. 5th January 2007.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Resolutions, Typically
In no particular order:
1. Write more
2. Love better
3. Be less evil
4. Smoke less and be healthier
5. Listen to more pinoy music and read the Philippine Daily Inquirer daily
6. Get shit together again, work-wise
7. Manage finances
8. Get involved in a performance art
9. Resume French lessons
10. Work toward grad school again
what was that about a leopard and its spots?
1. Write more
2. Love better
3. Be less evil
4. Smoke less and be healthier
5. Listen to more pinoy music and read the Philippine Daily Inquirer daily
6. Get shit together again, work-wise
7. Manage finances
8. Get involved in a performance art
9. Resume French lessons
10. Work toward grad school again
what was that about a leopard and its spots?