Tampontification

So until today, I'd never learned to use a tampon. First of all, I hardly ever get a period (which makes Gabby's birth even more mysterious). When I was in high school, it started at three-month intervals. In college, it became semestral. When I started working, it turned into an annual event. Finally, when I started working where I work now, I had one period in my first month here. Only. It's all stress-related, so you can imagine what my working life has been like in the past four years.

Then, all of a sudden, in Bohol, THE DAY BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO START MY WEEK-LONG DIVE TRIP, I got my period. And since I was too freaked out to dive with my period for the first time, I didn't dare use a tampon. It was a horrible horrible experience. Aaargh. Blech.

Now, today, I got my period again. I'm like, wow, two months in a row. I discovered it in the bathroom, as Anjeli and I were about to leave for lunch.

ME: (in the bathroom stall) Anjeli! I got my period!
ANJELI: Yay?
ME: SOS! Can you please check to see if anyone has a pad or tampon?
(pause... she returns with both)
ME: OK, the pad is way too big for my underwear. I'll have to use the tampon, and I've never used one before.

And then the most touching moment between two female friends unfolds.

ME: Will you... help me?
ANJELI: Are you twelve?

So, anyway, I'm behind the stall door again and she's coaching me from the sink.

ME: Do I sit down or stand up?
ANJELI: Well, you could do either but it's better if you stand up.
ME: Will it fall out?
ANJELI: Just make sure that the string is still out, you idiot.

So. That was the high point of my day.

If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.